Sunday, February 9, 2014

On Noticing Who Lives in the Cold

           




   I certainly have been busy.  I was surprised to see that it's been a few months since I had last posted here.   Life has been busy.   Regarding writing, there is not much new to report.  I am working on a third book but it is presently at the outlining and research phase.  I am making some good connections with regard to the literary world, but nothing I thought you would all like to hear about.
         
    Today I thought I would share this. A lot of writing comes as a consequence of simple living with ones eyes being open.   There is a place off the interstate highway where I occasionally get gasoline and eat at one of the restaurants there.  There is also a small shopping center.   Several months ago, I noticed that a young woman was waiting at the entrance to the shopping center.  She looked clean and well, yet had a sign which said something about being homeless and any amount being helpful.   From the vantage point of the restaurant, occasionally you can see someone give her one or two dollars.  Most people simply pass by.  Americans are fundamentally generous people, but in the past few years we have learned to be very discerning.    When I am in Richmond, I have noticed some people claiming to be homeless pocketing hundreds of dollars in a few hours in a good location.  I watched one of them charging his iphone by unplugging the soda machine outside the Target.   I noted that one of the homeless men had very expensive hiking boots, I'd seen at REI, and I noticed him again buying liquor at yet another shopping center later that day.  This has been such a problem there, that local governments have made "pan handling" illegal there.  This is curious to me as it seems to me to be a civil right, and because I would rather have people pan handling than robbing me. (But that's just me.)  The local government there was successful in making it illegal by claiming that it is a hazard to traffic, and on occasion, it is.      Americans have also learned to become jaded, and have learned that while we clip coupons and try to pay our bills, others are willing to stand with a sob story, ready to squander the money we give them, even later that day.
        
 At first when I saw the woman waiting at the interstate, I wondered if she had a similar story.  There is also some danger in approaching these people.  A percentage of them are mentally ill and have drifted from family members.  Approaching a schizophrenic, for example,  who ran out of meds a month ago, for example, can be extremely dangerous, because you don't really know what their delusions are telling them.  A person outside the science museum in Richmond was stabbed to death by a homeless man, as she walked her dog a couple of years ago.
         
  This time, I saw the  young woman I had mentioned  within the restaurant and since there were lots of people around, I felt fairly safe in speaking with her.  I told her that I don't carry cash, but that I did have a credit card and that I would be happy to take her to lunch there.   She was cautious, and a little afraid, but she agreed.   She ordered one thing from the dollar menu, and so I ordered a couple of additional things for her, as I had already eaten and was sipping on a giant diet soda.  I told her to sit down and I would bring the food.  I gathered the plastic silverware and straws and napkin.   When I brought the food, I asked her whether it was okay if I sat with her while she ate, as most people would rather have company when they ate.  She agreed.   I noticed then that her face was fairly windburned from being outside so much in the cold weather we have had.  She also seemed tired.   I spoke with her showing interest but without getting too personal in my questions.   She was in her thirties and until the last couple of years had a job in the city which is about fifty miles from there.  The place closed and this depleted her savings as she looked for a new job.  She did get another job which ended when that place closed also.  Since then, she has been unable to find another job although she has been trying hard.  She has used homeless persons services in the city a distance from here, but has been coming out to this area to get a small amount of cash before returning to the city periodically.  She also has a disability insurance case pending which has been slowed by her not having a legal address.   She is a young woman not unlike many of our daughters, but without the family and back up systems my own kids would have if something like this happened to them.
        
   I noticed a number of people and families who had just been to church were sitting in the restaurant were watching us.   I wondered why none of them inquired as to why a young woman was out in the bitter cold.   Did her car break down ?  Does she need to use a cell phone or call a taxi ?    I also noticed that the restaurant, where they know me, looked flabbergasted that I bought this young woman a meal.
         
  I know that we can't risk our lives by asking every homeless person what they need.  I know that we can't take everyone who is down on their luck out to dinner.   I get that those of us with small children with us can't endanger them by speaking to people who are homeless, and might have mental health issues.
However,  it struck me as surreal that an entire restaurant of people in Sunday best, who just finished worshiping Jesus Christ, who was a champion of helping those who needed assistance, looked at her as if she had leprosy.    She is a young woman with clean hair, wearing  outdoor clothing.  She may have been a former soldier.  Yes, the folks who fought on behalf of our nation, and then couldn't find work when they got home again.   She is someone's daughter.  It's not okay that someone's daughter is standing in the cold, isn't drinking enough water, and isn't eating properly.   I know we can't find her a job and an apartment by Tuesday.  I get that homelessness is a complex and multifactorial issue.   What I don't get is why we can't convey hope, humanity,  and encouragement, especially on a Sunday after so many of the people there who wore the "Christian uniform" and are eating on the way home from church.   Many studies tell us that most of us sit just a few pay checks from homelessness.  You'd think that most of us would be more mindful of that.
         
   I know I can't save the world.   But I think I will buy a large bottle of gummy vitamins at Sam's Club for Karen. I will give them to her the next time I see her.  I hope that you will do whatever you can within the framework of your own life,  too, when you see someone for whom you could do perhaps a small favor, conveying that they are not forgotten, and that they still sit within the family of humanity.   



14 comments:

  1. I often forget to put my good clothes on when I go to town and I kind of have the Duck Dynasty look and once got mistaken by the police as homeless but was able to get the situation straightened out but it make me aware of what it must be like. On another occasion a family friend who is a deputy was talking to me in the parking lot of the grocery store and people kept going by giving me the look and I realized that they thought the deputy was about to arrest me, we were actually talking about me bagging up some of my horse manure for her garden. What I am getting to is that with very little notice you can be labeled and pigeon holed into a whole other world very quickly by people. My experiences were short lived and kind of funny but I can easily see how one could be homeless with a sign with just a few bad breaks.

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    1. Thanks for posting. Yes, and how disturbing that we have reached a point where we assume that the person is about to be arrested, rather than wondering if you are an undercover cop giving report to a uniformed officer. Have a good afternoon.

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  2. When I was only about 7 years old I was downtown with my dad shopping. As we got back in our car a man asked my dad for a quarter ( a long time ago!) for a cup of coffee. My told me to get in the car. He talked to the man for a minute and took him into the restaurant near the car and bought him a full meal.
    this was more than an act of charity, it was a life lesson to a little 7 year old and has stuck with me for almost 60 years. Your actions have effects way beyond the immediate! Do I ever miss my dad.

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    1. My Dad would also do the same thing. Once, when a part of a building fell on a woman in New York City and fractured her clavicle, my father carried her to his car and took her to Lenox Hill Hospital when the ambulance could not get there for an hour. We both were lucky to have examples of charitable and decent men. I miss my Dad very much also.

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  3. People who know I am having financial problems are a little upset that I carry a Fossil purse (Swagbucks), wear nice leather shoes, am not dirty, have silk sweaters, and decent clothing. They don't know or care that the pink coat and red coat (nylon single layer) are expensive, yes, but twenty years old. The silk/cotton sweaters were from a friend. I was not suffering financial distress but she gave me four outfits for my birthday from a fairly nice clothing store in town. NONE were my style, so I traded them for the sweaters, then bought several more, all in the same style as they dropped from $85 to something like $12. My clothing is never shabby! I got an expensive pair of shoes, never worn, from a clothes closet. I have shoes repaired by a cobbler rather than get rid of leather shoes and just buy cheap, plastic shoes. I don't look shabby unless I am in the yard, working. None of my clothing are high fashion.

    Did you ever see the Frazier piece where he was upset, for some reason did not have a job, cleaned the oven because he was bored, got old sweatshirt he was wearing filthy, went to take dog food back or buy it for his father, was complaining because people were throwing coke cans in trash instead of the recycle bin, started digging in the trash and collecting the cans, AND a college friend saw him and was pitying him? That was such a hilarious view of someone who was well-heeled, not homeless, educated, who appeared down on his luck by a snobby friend who was looking down on him. People love to assume the worse, especially if they are church folk.

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    1. Linda, Thanks for posting. I have not seen that episode of Frazier. It sounds as if it's a scream !

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    2. Well, I don't know where the rest of my comment ran off to. The point was clothes are deceiving as to the real financial status of a person. I was denied a benefit on sight as the person looked up and down my body. She explained I was not in need and was not a senior. Well, I was really having financial problems and was 65.

      What persons in need looks like, how they dress, if they wash hair should not be used to determine if they are worthy of any consideration other than a needy person. Being well-groomed is not proof of a lack of need. Being in need is somehow something that should not occur if you have a master's degree, which I have.

      Showing hope, humanity, and encouragement seems to be something that Christians seem to have a hard time conveying, especially on a Sunday. I am sure they wondered why you were bringing the leper amongst the good Christian people.

      Being homeless is considered a moral failing.

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    3. I agree. There are many different types of needy. Sometimes helping someone who is having difficulty can help them stand for independently rather than spending lots of resources on someone who doesn't work toward helping themselves at all. I know that many times, help is given where the agency perceives "greatest need" when sometimes they should simply help where it might do the most good.

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  4. "Homeless" people vary a lot. A lady here is just lazy, I think, so she spends much of her time with a sign asking for help. Lives every bit as good as I do, stay's in a hotel room every night and eats well in the cafes.

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    1. Yes, there are a wide variety of homeless people. Some of mental health issues, others were caught by drug addiction. Some are simply people who had something terrible happen in life and wish to create a self imposed exile from everyone and everything else. Some simply don't want to have an address where hurtful family members can show up. The problem is much more complex than lacking the money for rent. A lot of homeless people wind up in the ICU in Winter. This is where I have made the acquaintance of so many of them. My son recalls a Phd homeless man who tutors students, often in exchange for a meal.

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  5. As a part of some research some years back I was surprised to find myself standing in soup kitchen lines at times with Mensa members.

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    1. Yes, there are a lot of very bright and educated people who are, for a time, homeless.

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  6. Find a mensa member standing in a soup kitchen line and you'll be talking to a person that just doesn't understand why society is the way it is and is having a hard time coping with it. Most likely at one time this person had a good job until they were railroaded by greedy or power seekers willing to walk over others.

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    1. There are all types of Mensa people. Just because someone tests well when performing on puzzles, does not mean they have anything remotely resembling an emotional intelligence. In fact, sometimes those whose IQs tested highest on tests which weighted puzzles and spatial relations greatly, didn't spend time understanding people at all. Curious world, isn't it ?

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